


Heaven's Gates (Tentative Title)

by moimianda (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Highschool AU, Implied Underage, M/M, Male Homosexuality, SMUT in the latter chapters, Temporary Character Death, and after so much deliberation with my inner self, and my teddy still cant talk so I'll be happy if you'll leave a comment :)), mentions in the first chap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-14 12:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/moimianda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is not religious at all. Nope he’s not. But there’s one person who made him believe in heaven - Louis. And now he desperately wants to belong in the paradise of God’s chosen ones since he knows that Louis will be there, that Louis <i>is</i> there, waiting for him. Right?</p><p>Or the one where Harry has a terminal sickness and Louis was his amazing/supportive/gorgeous boyfriend who promised Harry to help him complete his bucket list but dies ahead of Harry. And… we just can’t have a sad ending right? So I’ll try to make everyone happy in the end :D!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love Me Now, Hate Me Later

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first ever attempt to make a chaptered fic about the greatest lovers in the world and anything goes in this story :)…. First chap is narrated by Harry ‘cuz I just simply can’t get enough of him ;)x

Prologue:

Because I told him I love him, he smiled. Because I told him I was leaving, he cried. Because I told him I need him, he stayed. Because I told him I am dying, he died.

Things might have not happened in that order, but he still went ahead of me. Well that’s how he is. How he was. Always the first on the line. Never wanted to be left behind. Just like how I am. How I was. We kept racing to the top. And never on my right mind did I ever think we would be on the same ground until I found myself aching to stop. To stop him with me. To make him look at me. To make him see the real me. To make him love me. And that’s the selfish me. I get what I want. And I want him despite knowing that I’ll just hurt him whether I want to or not. I’m mean like that. But he’s worse. I don’t know if it’s the competitive part of him or if he’s just punishing me. But either way, he’s worse than me and that’s why I love him.  
So if you ask me if it was love, it is love. It will always be.

*.*.*.*.*

Chapter One: Love Me Now, Hate Me Later

The harsh screeching sound of the dragged chair made me flinch. It was then followed by the stomping sound of his heels that made me finally look at his direction. I was tempted to stand and follow him but the coward me pushed me deeper down my seat. Or was it the clever me who saw his books and wallet placed across the table. I knew he’d be back. But I was not certain when. Yet I was willing to wait no matter how long it took.

And it took him five hours and forty-eight minutes. Unfortunately the library couldn’t wait for him return so I waited outside the cold building holding his books and wallet close to me while my backpack was lying uncaringly next to my feet. It was raining real hard at quarter to nine in the evening. How cliché. 

For starters, I was not planning on telling him ever. I planned to live the remainder of my life with the people I love, with the man I love without him knowing that I will be leaving too soon. I was afraid he might leave me, that’s all. And now that he’s actually leaving, I thought maybe I should have just told him in the first place. Then maybe none of these would have happened. But then again, I might not be able to hold his hands that way, to make him smile so warmly my way, to make him love me his way. It’s a huge risk but I’ll gladly gamble everything I have, everything we have, just to call him _mine_ . 

I was brought back to my senses when I saw an approaching figure walking lazily under the summer rain. I remembered that he didn’t bring anything with him, not even his coat. I thought that I should ran to him but I felt frozen while standing there staring dumbly at him. 

As he came closer, I could see his head was held high. He’s too proud like that. And his uniform was soaked wet inside out. How long he was under that rain, I didn’t know. And when he was finally standing in front of me under the shelter of the waiting area with his shoes making a pool of water beneath him, he looked at me straight in the eyes. I don’t know if I saw his eyes were rimmed red or if I saw how his eyes looked so sad and so angry. I doubted my eyes since he never cried. Well not around me. But then again, I’ve only known him for roughly a year and a half. Then I remembered that last year I still had two years. And now, more or less one. It’s not as if anyone could tell. No one could, not even the almighty doctors or my sobbing mother or my prideful father or my perfect boyfriend. And that’s why he came back.  
He could never tell.

I could feel that he was freezing but he never looked like he was. He just kept on staring at me as if memorizing every detail of my face. His eyes wondered from mine then up to my eyebrows I think. Then way above to my forehead and hair. To the side to my ears, then back to my cheeks, nose, and then down to my lips. For a split second, his eyes remained there which gave me some fantasy that he’d actually do something about it. Well last time I check it’s free to dream so don’t judge. 

And as fast as I entertained the thought, it was thrown out of the window just as fast when his knuckles landed on my cheeks. Maybe he was just looking for the perfect angle (crazy clever boyfriend he was). I didn’t flinch from the punch although I was taken aback by its force. I retained my stance as if urging him to punch more. And flaring his range, he gave me harder punches and slaps everywhere his hands landed. I just took it all. I deserved it.

After concluding his little tantrum with some weak punches to my arms which were still holding his books tightly, I heard a small hitching sound coming from him. Right then I realized that my too proud boyfriend could actually show some weakness. His sturdy wall finally crumbled when I let go of his books placing them on top of my bag and wrapping my long arms around him. He burst into full waterworks and his whimpering cries became wails of despair and sadness. And then he finally broke.

“Why?...why do you have to do this to me? You should have never let me meet you. You should have never let me know you! You should have never let me love you! You should have died without me knowing that I can’t live without you! You should just die Haz! Just die! Just die… You’re so mean…”, he half shouted with his voice breaking at the end.

“I,…I”, stuttering with my answer I continued. “I just wanted to know how it feels like to fall in love. I did not mean to be selfish Lou. But you just don’t know how intoxicating it feels when the center of your world returns how you feel. I just had to grab all I can while I can. I’m sorry Lou… I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.” I half whispered my confession to his ear whilst holding him as tight as I could.

And I honestly did not mean to break down while asking for his forgiveness but then my eyes betrayed me while I was hugging his lithe cold body. And then I felt his smaller arms wrap slowly around my waist, at the small of my back, as if he was debating with himself if he should give in or not. And then he finally did. And when he did, it was my turn to break my own walls.

*.*.*.*.*

I love him too much but I guess he loved me more. 

After the drama we had, the rain stopped as if on cue for us to leave. I placed his jacket above his wet clothes and dragged him to the parking lot with my other hand holding his books and my backpack. I gave him his wallet to clutch on. I opened the door for him then went around getting in. I flicked the heater on then grabbed the spare shirt I had at the backseat and dropping our things in return to the seat. When I turned back to him, he was just staring at the window as if it would stare back at him or something. I grabbed his coat getting his full attention and started unbuttoning his wet polo shirt. 

He immediately slapped my hands away and braced himself as if I was some rapist and gasped, “Just because you’re dying Haz doesn’t mean that I would let you under my shirt! I’m not cheap like that. And you could have chosen a more romantic place then maybe I’ll think about it.” He mumbled his last sentence and fake glared at me feigning seriousness. Or maybe he was. I chuckled at him and thought that my Louis was back. I ruffled his wet hair and threw my spare shirt to him. “In your dreams Lou. But I’ll keep that in mind.” I winked at him while he was still glaring at me. His adorable face was just too much to handle that I started laughing so hard. He tried hard to keep on glaring, his eyebrows knitted together and his bottom lip jutted out in an adorable pout, but then gave in. We kept on laughing like nothing happened erliear until he broke it. 

“I’ll miss your laugh you know that Haz.” He fiddled with the hem of the shirt I gave him, eyes casted down to it and lips pulled into a small smile as if reminiscing the times we were together. “And your smile, and your cheekiness, and your cleverness, and your voice and your hugs, and your hands, and your…” I brought his face up with my two hands and wiped the tears that were starting to fall with my thumb. 

I continued to caress his cheeks. “I’ll miss you too Lou. All of you.” As I stared into his glossy eyes, I could see how much Louis was suffering from deep within. I knew I should be angry with myself for causing him such pain that he did not deserve but then I couldn’t help but to feel happy to find someone who truly loved me. Slowly, I brought his face closer to mine and our first kiss was lost in that moment. It was a mere bump of two lips since it was our first. 

Yes, it was our first kiss and we could have done it in many other romantic places. But within the security of my own car and the empty parking lot, I would treasure it forever. 

As we parted from the kiss, Louis hiccupped and blushed scarlet red. It could have been the worst mood killer but then I will never get over how adorable he was. 

“So..sorry Haz.”, he apologized hiding his face with the shirt he’s still holding while I was trying not to burst into fits of laughter since I know it would hurt his ego a lot. Instead I grabbed the shirt his hiding from and gave him the sincerest smile I could make and told him that it’s okay and somehow inserting the word cute along the line. And I guess that was not a better move to do either when his face turned as red as a tomato and he started wrestling me, pushing me to the window of my side of the car. 

“Don’t. You. Ever. Dare. Call. Me. Cute! Just because your dying doesn’t mean it would stop me from hurting you!” I started to laugh while his pushing me to the side.

“Hey! Where did my adorable Louis go? Bring him back! His much gentler! Ouch!!” I rubbed my forehead when it hit the window while we were struggling. 

Louis immediately stopped pushing me and took a hold of my face. 

“Are you hurt Harry? Was it too much? I’m sorry!” I could see the alarm in Louis’ eyes and told him I’m fine. 

“A little bump in the head won’t kill me you know.” I chuckled. 

But Louis took it to the heart and was really upset. He traced his fingers to my reddening left cheek due to the punch he gave me earlier and I flinched when it stung. He immediately removed his fingers and looked so guilty. I immediately grabbed his hands and kissed his knuckles. 

“No matter what you do Lou, you’ll never hurt me. A mere punch and a bump in the head are what i deserve for hurting you. Well I even deserve more than that.” He slowly turned his gaze to me and saw how sincere I was. But it wasn’t enough to alleviate the guilt he was feeling. So I kissed his worries away, this time a much more passionate one hoping that somehow my feelings could get through to him.

After I was sure I took his worries away, we parted for the much needed air and saw how dazed we both were. 

“Um…I better take this wet shirt before I catch a cold.” Louis started when none of us broke the silence. 

“Ah…y…yeah.” I let go of him and turned away looking outside the window giving him some privacy. 

The shuffling sound of his discarded clothes made my face hot. Well I didn’t mean to put those images inside my head but then again it’s hard to do that if you have a boyfriend as gorgeous as Louis. And besides, I’m a growing teenager at seventeen and my hormones are in frenzy right then so there. End of discussion. 

The small debate in my head was stopped when Louis said his done changing and that I could turn around. He chuckled saying that we’re both men and that I should not treat him like a girl. And when I saw him in my grey V-neck shirt exposing his collar bones, I swore to God I didn’t mean to stain Louis’ innocent image in my head.  
Damn.

“You okay Haz?” Louis inquired concerned. 

“Um…yeah. I…I’m good.” I swallowed hard mentally slapping myself for drooling over my boyfriend. But it’s normal right? 

I started the engine and steered our way out of the campus. 

“Oh yeah by the way Haz,” Louis lingered with his words making me wonder what he could be up to, “gran is out of town this week and Lottie and Fliss are at the camp while the twins are with Nan remember?”

“Mmmmn…” I hummed encouraging him to go on as I drove out to the main road.

“S…so,” I heard him gulp loudly, “I was thinking if I could stay for the night tonight instead of this weekend?” 

And with Louis’ voice ever so hopeful and with those puppy eyes, who could ever say no? It’s not as if I was planning to say no. 

Looking straight at the road, I intertwined our fingers with my free hand and smiled, “Of course, Lou. Of course.” He squeezed it back and at the periphery of my view, I saw a big smile plastered in my boyfriend’s face. I held our hands tighter, brought his next to my lips and peppered his knuckles with small kisses. It was one of the many moments that I thought I could die a contented man if I could spend the remaining of my life with him, my Louis.

*.*.*.*.*

It was not my idea. Not really. 

Although I had that longing ache of making good use of my remaining time and Louis put them into words. My wants are an endless list. 

First, I wanted to make a mark in history like all those people who are in their delusional states yet they still managed to utter their frustrations in life. Then, I wanted to make mom laugh at my lame jokes. I wanted to go out of town with Gemma again like we used to. I wanted to drive around town with father again and beat his record. I wanted to sing with Zayn and Li in the cafeteria serenading everyone who passes by our table. I wanted to bake that cake Niall’s been fussing about for ages.

I wanted to fold my clothes neatly in my cramped drawers. I wanted to tend my garden and add other varieties of flowers or maybe add an apple tree and start planning for an orchard. I wanted to make pancakes with strawberries then serve it in the homeless kitchen. I wanted to have a camp out in our backyard and have the five of us around a campfire singing and laughing our hearts out through the night. 

I wanted to surf though I think I should learn how to swim first. I wanted to have a picnic up the hill and remember to make extra sandwiches to fit our (or Niall’s) appetite. I wanted to paint the most beautiful thing I’ve put my eyes upon and that would be Louis of course. I wanted to be a dancer for a day even though it may be dangerous (to my partner that is).

I wanted to bring Lou to Paris, then Venice, then New York, then Tokyo, though I’ll settle for my room or in the study lounge as long as Louis is there. I wanted to hold his hands while watching all the romcoms and sap of movies I have. I wanted to drink tea with him, to bake cupcakes for him, to cuddle with him, to talk with him, to make him smile, to make him laugh ‘till tears form in the corner of his eyes. I wanted to make him fall for me again and again and again. I wanted to kiss him under the rain. I wanted to hold him tight and tell him how grateful I am for having him. I wanted to cry in his arms and tell him that I don’t deserve him. I wanted to tell him I love him every second that I breathe just so he won’t forget. I wanted to love him forever but I guess forever’s not enough for the both of us in this place we called Earth. I wanted to live long enough to do all of these. 

But now, all I wanted is for Louis to wait for me patiently behind those Heaven’s doors ‘cause I’ll definitely be there at its footsteps anytime soon. Please wait for me Lou. Please.

*.*.*.*.*

Upon arriving at our house that night, there were only a few lights on mainly on the first floor meaning mum and father must have retired to their respective room. We entered at the backdoor as quietly as we could upon turning the engine of my car off in the garage careful not to wake any of the staff and my parents on our way inside. Though I was hoping that Lisa would still be awake and make us some tea and something to eat. Thank God she was. We were greeted with the comforting aroma of hot Yorkshire tea Lisa was serving for two as if reading my mind. She turned to us and smiled while waving her hand to the chairs for us to seat and went behind the counter. Louis bashfully pulled the chair and sat while I was across from him. She came back with two plates of pasta and a platter of bread. 

“Would you want anything else young sires?” She politely asked after, a small inquiring smile in her lips making the corner of her eyes wrinkle with old age.

“Oh, no. These are enough. Thank you so much Lisa for staying late.” I stood up and hugged her for what she’s worth. 

“Anything for you little Harry.” She fondly patted my back, genuine care evident in her voice. I let go of her and Louis was also in his feet. 

“I would also like to hug you but my clothes are a bit wet.” He stated gesturing to his wet pants with a shy smile. Lisa was alarmed with concern and looked pitifully at Louis. 

“It’s okay love. You poor thing! I should run you some hot bath while you eat and drink that tea. It should warm you up.” 

“Oh, you really don’t have to Ma’am. I’m really tough. Don’t be deceived by your eyes.” He proved cheekily with a slap to his chest. Lisa just fondly smiled at him then turned to me, “Should I run the bath in your room Harry?” I nodded at her not missing the disappointed look in Louis’ face. 

“Can you use the lavender one with bubbles? He loves that.” I added winking at Lou who made a disapproving noise. Lisa just looked at us amused. 

“I shall make it extra bubbly for you Lou. Good night young sires!” She turned leaving us as she went upstairs to my room. 

“Good night!” Louis chirped. 

“Good night Lisa and thanks again!” I added.

Louis slumped to his seat very embarrassed with the lavender soap talk. 

“That’s very embarrassing Harold! What would she think about me now? A lad who likes to smell like a girl!! Ugh… And how on Earth did you know about that?!” I raised an eyebrow to him and he even collapsed lower to his chair. 

“Ugh…Niall right? You must have bribed him or something. But then again he really can’t shut his mouth.” He ranted with his hands over his face. 

“Not that some FIFA and chips can’t do.” I stated cheekily, “Don’t fuss over it though. She understands that love. Besides, she even took it lightly when I first introduced you as my boyfriend so a little soap issue won’t bother her. Let’s just eat, yeah?” He sniffed and his stomach made a defeated sound.

After placing the plates in the dishwasher and the cups in the draining rack, we went upstairs straight to my room. I opened the door wide for Louis to come in. He stopped midway examining my room for the first time.  
“Wow. Not only you look like a prince with a dashing car who’s living in a castle like mansion with a very caring Lisa but you also have a prince like quarters.” He whistled. 

“Life really is unfair most of the time.” I chuckled trying to hide my reddening cheeks. 

I hated floundering what my parents provide us. There are only a few people who I let inside my car and who I brought to my house. And by few, they go by the name Zayn, Liam, Niall, and Louis. Well the other three have been in and out of my room but Louis refuses to when his around which was usually without the other lads. And I respect that. But that night, not only did he agree to sleep over at my place but also agreed to sleep in my room, in my bed. And the thought of lying together with Louis in my childhood bed infiltrated my thoughts that whole week though it was momentarily sacked when Louis found out about my condition. 

+++

We still haven’t talked about it though, like really talk with me answering his endless questions – _“when did you found out?”_ , _“when are you planning to tell me?”_ , _“are you even planning to?”_ – all these questions I answered with silence and an undivided attention to my lap where my fingers were intertwined tightly turning my knuckles white. We were seated across from each other, the pile of books separating us in the silence of the library.  
It started as a normal Thursday though Louis was unusually quiet. I tried not to be bothered by it since Louis was usually silent after an exam, more or like he’s trying to remember every question to review later on. After our last class, we went directly to the library and sat at our usual place in the deserted corner of the reserved section. After placing our things on the table, I excused myself to get some reference books. Louis just nodded distractedly scrolling at his phone. 

I came back balancing a pile of books. We had a paper due next week so better start as soon as possible. Louis sat still unmoved since I left him. He was staring at the screen of his phone unaware of my presence. He was clenching his phone rather tightly. I placed the books in front of him earning his attention. 

“Found so much reference for Jewish Genocide Lou” I started,” what do you say we half them then start reading today and do the paper tomorrow?” I proposed waggling my eyebrows to him expecting to make him crack a smile like he always does. He just stared at me blankly for a moment until realization somewhat dawn unto him. 

“You okay Lou? Is there something wrong?” I inquired trying not to be alarmed.

He opened his mouth then closed it after a moment when nothing came out. But his gazed remained as stern as it was. His eyebrows were knitted together just like how they do when his faced with a chemical equation he can’t quite figure its equilibrium. And his eyes were filled with evident confusion, and irritation, - and anger and betrayal. I gulped unconsciously. 

As far as I knew, I never did anything to irritate Louis or make him hate me. Maybe it was the apple juice I picked for him for lunch yesterday. He really hated that saying it tasted like plastic mixed with artificial sweetener excuse for an apple juice. But he never makes a big deal with food (unlike Niall). Or was it because I slept on him last night when he texted up to which chapter was the coverage of the exam. But I replied immediately two hours after, around past ten midnight, with a leaf of my drool-drenched book glued to my cheek. He replied a thanks though and figured out that I did slept on him, again. Or maybe he’s starting to realize how an excuse of a boyfriend I was and that he should not settle for someone like me. But no, Louis would never think that way. He would never agree to be in this relationship in the first place. 

His stare was piercing into me as if daring me to figure what I did wrong and I was momentarily loss. What could I have done to make Louis want to strangle me? 

Unless he found out. 

As if a light bulb just popped out of my head, my eyes were wide as saucers. Louis just smirked as if enjoying my moment of guilt and shame. I dropped my gaze unable to look him straight in the eyes without exposing my shameful self. 

“When did you found out Harold?” he asked quietly, his voice raspy yet stern, encouraging yet angry. 

Silence.

“When did you plan to tell me?”

More silence.

He snorted a dry laugh. “Please tell me you were at least planning to tell me?” his voice was pleading it made me ache terribly.

I squirmed in my seat as if I was a six-year old being caught red-handed swiping the probable cookies from the cookie jar. 

Losing his patience, he asked through gritted teeth, “How much time?” 

He didn’t have to elaborate the question though. Then I finally replied, “two years last year…” finding my voice foreign. I somewhat had the audacity to look at his direction but not at his eyes. I didn’t have enough courage to. His breath hitched as if realizing something tangible becoming vague and foreign right before his eyes. And then before I could say anything else, he was hot on his heels living me with guilt and shame and a desire for the floor to open up and swallow me whole. 

But even the floors wouldn’t want some liar like me.

+++

As I was reminiscing the past seven hours of my day, mind infiltrated with thoughts of Louis as I lay across my bed, the bathroom door opened, letting some steam out before a figure of Louis with only a towel around his waist appeared. He had another towel in his hands drying his wet hair. And at twenty feet away, I could smell the soothing aroma of lavender and it went directly below my stomach intensified by the image right before me. 

And honestly, my eyes did not follow that stray droplet of water as it sinfully traced the contours of Louis’ mildly toned chest and down the ridges of his mildly formed abs and finally diminishing as it approached the towel securing his waist. _I swear I did not!_

But Louis thought otherwise as he caught me looking quite intensely from my half seated position in my bed at the towel around his hips.

“You’re drooling Haz.” Louis broke me out of my thoughts that were unintentionally going astray followed with an amused chuckle.

I tried to throw back a cheeky banter but nothing came out. As if it has a mind of its own, my body stood up and grabbed the jumper and a pair of trainers I sorted out from my closet for Louis to borrow. Slowly, my legs walked me to where Louis was standing and handed him my clothes. He took it and muttered a thanks. And I, for the life of me, kept staring at him as he looked at the clothes and suddenly blushed.

“Um..Haz…could you…um…let me borrow some…” he damn fidgeted before finishing, “some underwear?” And he blushed ten times more while looking straight to my eyes.

It took me a second. Then a minute. Then a moment before it finally registered. 

Fuck.

Louis wants to borrow my underwear. Louis. Wants. To. Borrow. My. UNDERWEAR!

Fidgeting more on his spot as I blushed manically, he mumbled an “I can go commando if that would be uncomfortable to you” as he was about to turn around and go back to the bathroom to change. 

But I caught him by his shoulder, and as if electrified, released him immediately when he turned around and scratched the back of my neck looking away.

“Um…y-yeah. Sure.”

“Sure… what exactly Haz?” he replied with the familiar cheekiness in his voice and a sly grin on his face.

Oh god, he won’t let me go alive.

“W-what?” I stammered hearing my voice go an octave higher.

“Sure you would let me borrow some undies or Sure I can go commando?” he finished with that silly grin turning into a challenging one. He was definitely enjoying it.

Flushed to my neck and ears, I swatted him hard in the arm which caused him to bark a loud laugh.

“God Harold! You are definitely adorable! I’m definitely gonna keep you.”

With a pout, I threw back a “whatever” and turned to my drawers and grabbed a clean black boxer then handed it to him. He took it then laughed louder when I blushed for the nth time when our fingers brushed. He must have been laughing too hard for his stomach muscles that caused the towel wrung around his hips to slide down pooling at his ankles. 

And by the power of the universe, the moment it went loose was also the moment I turned to him to make him stop laughing and. Oh God. I tried myself not to look that direction but… Oh God.

Louis must have noticed that his laughter resounded in the silent room where even my breathing could not be heard. Or maybe I just stopped breathing that time.

He petered down into giggles then warily looked at me and found my eyes that were now as big as saucers with my mouth slightly dropped open. He followed my gaze and had the grace to blush a little bit before saying,

“See anything you like young Harold?”

I snapped and gawked at him with my face red hot. How could he?

“Oh my… big words coming from someone who thought I was taking advantage of him in the car earlier and turned me, Harry Styles, down. Explain Tomlinson.” This time my voice was demanding.

“Well, I need to get even you know.” He threw back with a victorious smile since he knew he did get even.

Refusing to accept my defeat and just to have an excuse to get away from his prying eyes, I asked, “Who are you and where did you hide my respectable and conservative Louis? You must have flushed him in the toilet, yeah?”  
I went straight to the direction of the jarred door and shouted, “Lou-Lou? Where are you babe? This cheeky and shameless lad in the form of your perfect body is making fun of your boyfriend. I’m gonna rescue you my love!” 

And with a few sprints, I reached the bathroom door and locked it behind me with Louis’ roaring laughter outside.

After a few minutes of pacing back and forth inside the bathroom clouded with a mix of the aroma of lavender, mint and _Louis_ , I managed to control myself enough to look Louis in the eye. Readjusting my pyjama pants, I turned the knob open was also the exact time Louis was about to knock. There was an awkward silence before Louis cleared his throat. And thankfully, he was fully clothed by now with my jumper drowning him, the collar a little bit loose revealing his collar bones. And God, I could not take my eyes off of them.

“Um… Haz about earlier… I’m sorry.” Louis pulled his best puppy look though I knew he was serious.

“Y-yeah. Sorry too I locked up on you. Just needed sometime to cool down and loosen up you know?”

And good heavens, wrong words since Louis got that mischievous glint in his eyes again.

“Oh… you could have told me and I would have helped you out. Yeah?” and followed with his exaggerated flirty wink.

I cracked into a laugh until Louis was laughing with me. 

Giggling, I grabbed his hands and led us to my bed.

“Oh, you’re considering my offer now? I’m sorry young Harold but the offer is extremely limited and can only be used during emergencies.”

“And what if I tell you that _this_ is an emergency?” I retorted back as I push him to the mattress and hovered over him making him gulp loudly. He’s eyes suddenly lost its glint and now hooded with desire and something I could not point what. I took it as permission though and I felt a tug below my stomach. 

With both arms beside Louis’ head, I leaned down slowly without breaking our eye contact. Louis deliberately licked his lips and it took all my will power not to just shove down to his mouth. I took my time until our breaths mixed and our noses touched. And with a slight twist of the angle, our lips were perfectly slotted with one another starting with slow movements until it morphed into a hungry one with tongues, and a bit of teeth, and hands going everywhere but down there until it found its rhythm turning it into a more passionate one, kissing not for cranial urges but for emotional needs. Need for the strong feelings to get through. Need to say _“I love you”_. 

And in that moment, I, for the first time, forgot that my time is running out.

Later that night with my back to Louis, I could not seem to sleep knowing that Louis was lying inches from me. But I remained still so as not to wake Louis who I thought was deep in his slumber. Then there was shuffling of the duvet though making me think otherwise. Until I felt strong arms wrap around my waist and warmth behind my back. 

I tried not to react when lips were pressed to my temples and an ‘ I love you Harry…so much…. too much.. _forever_ …” was whispered to my ear and warm tears slipped to my neck where Louis nuzzled his head to. It was his moment meant to be heard by a sleeping Harry. And as he hugged me close, I could not help but say a little prayer to a God I doubt ever exists. 

_“Thank you”_ was all I can say.

*.*.*.*.*

“Hey Harold! Take a look at this.” Louis shuffled his laptop and shows it to me as I was holding my physics notebook. 

I was focusing really hard on my notes trying not to look at Lou’s direction every fifteen seconds. I was trying _really_ hard to memorize the laws of quantum physics and not Lou’s flawless features, his high, sharp cheekbones, those tiny freckles on his nose that makes him a little bit more perfect, his long eyelashes that curve just right at the end that flutters beautifully revealing those sapphire orbs that always makes my heart literally stop whenever they look at me, those thin pouty little lips that pulls into a smile showing those white teeth, and his silky feathered fringe that frames his adorable face just right. Nope, I was not trying to memorize him at all just quantum physics. What’s the first law again? Damn! 

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon, two days after our confrontation, our mini meltdown and our make-up kisses. Surprisingly, Louis took it lightly or that’s how he wants me to think. And I even question myself if Louis crying later that night was just a dream but it sure felt so real! And I was a bit bothered by Louis’ “acceptance” of the situation. We did not talk about it; instead, Louis treated me like before. Like I was not dying at all.

Well, I thought I should settle down with the arrangement of things, but I did not. I kept it to myself though. Yet I felt a bit cautious around Louis but then again I tried to act natural around him. We still banter like we used to. Still took everything as a friendly challenge between us. And we still look at each other the way we used to. Quite “adoringly sick yet conserved mate” according to Niall when I asked him if he noticed anything peculiar with his best friend’s interaction with me. 

To others it may look like the usual but to me, that little hollow space in Louis eyes whenever he looks at me when he thinks I did not notice says more than “I’m not okay” to me. Well who’d be okay if they find out that their boyfriend for three months was going to die sometime nobody knows? But then again, it’s only been three months officially.  
Maybe it really did not bother Louis at all. Maybe his fine without me and his outburst last time was just a “heat of the moment” thing. I remember being slowly convinced with that train of thoughts and Louis’ lack of reaction only proved my theories were somewhat true that time. Until Louis breaks it out to me quite fabulously. 

We decided to hang out that weekend as planned and sleep over again. That time, Louis didn’t argue when I suggested that we stay in my room although I knew that he will refuse like he used to, I still gave it a shot. Ever hopeful I was. And when he said yes, I almost snapped my neck when I turned to him hoping that I heard him right as we entered my house. He just flashed me an adorable smile and held my hand leading me to my room. 

Unlike other ordinary days before, Louis would reason that we should not stay behind the doors of my room since it’s “not proper”. And by proper, I still can’t figure out what he meant by that. Sure we were not just friends and we _might_ be tempted to do something more than a friendly touch but hey, I would not push him into something he doesn’t want. Though I was still unsure where to draw the lines. It’s my first proper relationship and with a _bloke_ at that! Who wouldn’t be at loss?

And later on, with the tangle of sweaty limbs under the comfort of my duvet – when we felt braver and bolder and careless to the world - Louis would tell me that he felt the same. He also did not know where his limits were and decided to avoid closed doors with me until it’s all laid out.

Anyway, that day was a different one. First, Louis was in my room, sitting in my couch and just a bit closer to where I was sitting. _Alone with me_. Not that I was planning anything but then again I kept my hopes up. Maybe I’ll get a kiss or two. And I remember how giddy that made me feel. 

Second, Louis was a bit casual around me just wearing his red-striped white shirt paired with khaki shorts unlike his usual buttons-up polo and long pants. He likes to be presentable to my parents though they’re not usually around during the day and Gemma has only met him once or twice with her busy schedule in Uni. Though she makes time to come back home to spend time with me. Something that I obviously lacked at the moment. 

And lastly, Louis was a bit clingy and touchy not that I remember complaining about. I unabashedly liked it. Then it dawned to me that Louis was affected after all. I mentally slapped myself for even thinking that Louis was not. I’ve known Louis better than anyone else for the past year we’ve been together. Louis was the type to build large thick walls around him to hide his true self. He felt too vulnerable without his walls. But then I passed through those walls. Something only a few had done.

And when Louis turned his laptop to me, I even got a bit more curious as to what my boyfriend was up to. It was Ask.com and the bold letters read “How to make a Bucket List”. Oh. I thought. 

“You want me to make a bucket list Lou?” I asked amusedly to Louis who looked a bit shy with his idea. 

“Um, I just thought that maybe we could make use of the time.” And my heart literally skipped a bit with how Louis said we. Those skipping were becoming a habit whenever I was around Lou. I jokingly mused that it would skip a bit longer and never come back to Earth for good that time. 

And when I told Lou about that as a joke, he flicked my forehead hard saying, “don’t’ ever joke about that again or else I’ll make sure it would skip higher than the Milky Way!” And I did not miss his eyes glossy with a bit of feelings of betrayal deep within. Then I just had to hug him tight back then and whispered “I won’t do it again Lou. I won’t…” Ironically, now I wish it would just stop like that. 

Then a much warmer sensation spread through my body when it hit me. Louis would still want to stay with me through this. I felt the tears slowly building up behind my eyes. I managed to croak a reply when I found my voice. 

“Y…yeah. I’d like to do that. W-would you do it with me Lou?” I looked Louis straight in the eyes ever so hopeful. 

“Well, that’s the general idea Harold. I’m the one who suggested this right?” Louis chuckled trying to look like the supportive and loving boyfriend he was while struggling to hide the pain he was feeling. 

I couldn’t help but beam at him, my eyes shimmering with pure happiness. Louis swallowed hard and stared at me. His eyes flickered from mine down to somewhere below my nose then back to my eyes. That small gesture made my cheeks flush and before I wrapped my mind around what’s happening, he closed the distance between us, his soft lips against my shy ones. We parted after a few moments, neither of us said anything. His sapphire ones dark with desire to my emerald ones equally flamed with longing. It took mere seconds until our lips crashed once again this time I felt our faces shifted and we practically snogged at broad daylight taking one out of the list.

After our unpracticed lips were used to our hearts’ content, Lou helped me make my own bucket list. We usually see dying people make one in the movies so that’s what we were doing. We laughed at some spontaneously thought tasks and giggled over some sappy ones. We settled for fifty at that time promising that we will add more as days passed. 

But we never did. 

We promised to do it together. He would even drag me out of my death bed if he had to, Louis stated jokingly. 

But we never finished it together as well. 

And I did not have the strength to drag Lou out of his death bed, in that creaky hospital bed in that cold emergency room when the doctors called time. No, I never had the heart to disturb Lou from his peaceful slumber, the type that you never wake up from, in his casket in front of all the people he loved, in front of his mourning grandmother trying to be strong for his weeping sisters, in front of Zayn, Liam, and Niall who forced a smile to me just to keep me going, in front of the child with a broken arm who was clinging to his grateful mother who didn’t know how to thank the relatives of the hero who saved her son’s life for she knows just how much they were grieving, and in front of me, the lad he loved, the lad he left selflessly yet selfishly, who was struggling and aching to follow him soon. I wanted to hate him for that but who am I to hate someone who’s practically a saint?

*.*.*.*.*


	2. All Laid Out and Bare for You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! someone has finally made me update after so long and even if your just a guess, I still love you with all my heart for placing a kudos in this one of the million larry fics in this fandom! You made me think that maybe my story does make sense. Anyway, here's a really short insight of the proper second chap. :))))

This time, the last time he made me wait, it took him seven hours and thirty-two minutes, _twice_ the time I waited for him before. Worry was slowly engulfing me from my toes to my head, taking its precious time to linger in every inch of my skin, marking itself on me.

I was seated in the comfort of the plush chair of the café inviting its patrons to dawdle for a while. But even the comfiest couch in the world won’t stop all the crazy thoughts of what took Louis seven hours and _fucking_ thirty-four minutes  from getting here when he _fucking_ called when the sun was plastered up there in that _fucking_ sky which somehow _fucking_ annoyed the hell out of me ‘cause it’s too _fucking_ blue!

Okay Harry.

Breathe.

Having a tantrum in the middle of a café won’t answer you.

So just.

Breathe.

I reassured myself that his alright. That maybe he was just caught in the traffic. It happens a lot. Not a big deal. But hell! Who in this world would get caught in traffic for seven hours? Even a snail would get out of it alive!

Alive.

I paused. My face started to drain its life.

Oh Harry, don’t you ever entertain that thought! Louis is all well and alive! Don’t be silly. I chuckled to myself humorlessly.

Yeah. Right.

The rattling sound of my phone saved me from myself. It was placed atop of the book I was currently reading, Love Story by Erik Seagul - a rather tragic story that I can somehow relate to, placed next to my long gone cup of tea. I was immediately basked with relief when it was Louis that was calling. I calmed myself not wanting to shout at Louis for the hell of a roller coaster of emotions I’ve been through. Taking a deep breath, I swiped accept.

A foreign voice came out from the other line. Frowning, I answered,

“Hello? Who’s this? Where is Louis?”

“Hello. This is the Holmes Chapel Police Department. Is this Mr Styles? And is this phone owned by Mr Lewis William Tomlinson?”

My heart leaped to my throat. Police?? Where in hell is Louis? And what happened to him?

“Y-yes…” and with a steadying breath I continued, “yes, this is Harry, Harry Edward Styles from St. Francis College. May I know where Louis Tomlinson is and why do you have his phone sir? Did something happen? Is he all right?”

There were shuffling sounds on the other line and a deep gravely sigh that followed. And I wish I never asked any of those questions for I never wanted to hear the answers that followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! I know it's really short but this is just a preview of a really long main chapter two which will be posted soon :)) Comments and Kudos are cupcakes!


	3. All Laid Out and Bare for You (Continued)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I said I'd be posting a really long chapter two but then again I wanted to divide it to two chapters so here it is :)

_January 26, Saturday, 8:09 a. m._

Melinda de Fliss Café

The door chimes of the posh little café informed Mrs Fay of a new patron to serve. She plastered her professional smile to her first customer but then softened to that motherly kind when she recognized Harry. The five of them were so frequently seen in here that it almost became their second hang-out place next to the big old tree behind the campus. Her daughter, Fliss, would take the counter during weekdays and Mrs Fay would take over during the weekends. Fliss would always complain why the group always hang around the plush café,that practically screamed “we only serve those who can afford our very expensive treats” by the looks of it from two blocks down town, when all they did was to order the cheapest tea and banter with each other which usually include her as the centre of every cheeky conversation.

Zayn’s annoyed with her, Louis hates every piece of her except for her name which unfortunately she shares with his lovely sister Felicity, Harry – which we all know – agrees with Lou, Liam dislikes her ( and it’s an honour for someone to be disliked by Liam since his Liam and all, meaning she’s big), and Niall. Oh boy, our dear Niall pinning for the devil. He’s the only reason why they keep on coming back during breaks despite Fliss’ blunt retort that they should never comeback if they’re not buying anything but tea. But Niall would just droopily smile at her and say not to miss him so much since he’ll definitely be back tomorrow which she answers with an “Oh-Lord-kill-me-now” kind of grunt. The poor Irish Lad can’t get a hint for the life of him.

But Mrs Fay is everything Fliss is not. She’s kind, and polite, and amazing, and beautiful despite her old age. She even gives them free cookies! Now only a saint can do that. She also has taken a liking to Louis saying how good of a lad Lou is. In addition, they both have similar experiences in life. Mrs Fay was also the eldest of a family of six children. Her family owned a bakery which her husband turned into an overly-pricey café with the money he got. Also when she was about their age, she had to stop her studies to support her younger siblings when their parents died and doubled her efforts in running the bakery turning it into the infamous bakery where the best croissants from all over Holmes can be found!

Her heart was shattered when she found out that Louis also lost his parents at fifteen and had to take care of and financially support his four sisters by doing almost every job that would accept him back in Doncaster. He took day jobs including newspaper and milk deliveries. When he got home, he’d prepare Lottie and Felicity for school in town which was three blocks away from where he works at a day care centre - assisting the in charge in baby-sitting the kids of those with eight-hour day shifts - with the twins in tow who were just a year and a half back then.

When the school ends at 4:30, he’d walk his siblings back to their house and make dinner for them. He would then tell Lottie to keep an eye of the others while he goes back down town for his shift in the 24-hour stop shop where he carries new boxes of stocks and rearranges the shelves - which he begged the manager to accept him – until ten. Lottie, at a tender age of ten, had also learned to be responsible together with learning the bitter bits of life.

He would usually be home at 10:45 to find his sisters all tacked in his bed waiting for him with their mother’s rosary beads between Fliss’ fingers. It was her turn to lead the prayer that night. The picture of his siblings in a peaceful slumber would always break a smile from his lips.

Despite his tired state though, he would still have to clean the dishes from dinner, do the laundry, clean the house and sort the bills for the money he was earning. It was small but enough to get them through. At quarter past midnight, he’d kiss her sisters goodnight and sleep in the floor next to his bed, couldn’t really squish himself in his tiny bed with his four sisters on it, ready for the 5 o’clock run for the deliveries.

At odd times, Louis would find himself muse before submitting to his aching body asking for sleep if they would really get through. And then he would pray to God up in heavens to guide them, and then thank Him for everything and then ask Him to tell his parents not to worry for he will do his best to get them through.

And by God’s grace, his grandmother, the mother of his mum who have a comfortable life after retirement, had found them two years later and took all the responsibility that Louis shouldered for those years. They moved to Holmes Chapel where she lived and sent Louis back to school. To Louis, it was a reminder that God in Heaven was guiding them.

In the new town, he met Zayn first who had also just moved from Bradford. Zayn became his first best friend despite their two-year age gap. During their ninth grade, they befriended two other blokes who were in the same grade as they were, Liam, the boy with hazel brown fringe and equally brown eyes that show kindness every time, and Niall, a laughing ball of a human that was of Irish decent and a monstrous appetite. Louis and Niall actually hit the road at first glance since they obviously have similar goals in life, to cause mischief wherever they go with their crazy antics though Louis was mature enough to only show his fun side outside the four walls of their classrooms. He was highly respected by his teachers for his exemptible performance academically while the rest of the school body adored him for his outgoing, fun and crazy personality. While Zayn, on the other hand, had found comfortable silence and meaningful conversations with Liam, if talking about Pokémon was anything to go by as serious talks.

Then two years later, Harry - the pale boy who by then Zayn referred to as “the baby giraffe kid” with his lanky features and arms and legs that can go miles when extended but when you ask Louis who this Harry kid was, he’d say “Oh Harry? The kid with a cherubic face and luscious curls complimented with those wonderful green orbs and fluffy pink lips? He just moved here. Same class with me.” and plaster an innocent smile as if he did not just confessed how completely enamoured he was by the boy - completed the famous quintet. His family finally settled down in Holmes where his parents came from after travelling the world finding for some sort of miracle he’d say leaving the other details.

+++

Well Harry was not the healthiest baby brought out to this world. Apparently, he was one of the most special though for out of 30, 000 thousand babies born, he was the <i> lucky one </i>to be born with haemophilia B, a severe congenital bleeding disorder. Although haemophilia is not the rarest blood disorder in the list for it is avoidable, it is still deadly none the less. As a hereditary disorder, Harry’s parents couldn’t seem to forgive themselves for putting their angel in a situation they could have surely prevented only if they were more knowledgeable and considered professional help long before they got married, just to have some genetic check of some sort. 

Haemophilia was known as the disease of the royals before they figured out that they would all die and stop their blood line if they kept on hooking up with their relatives.Seemingly, women are carriers and men are always the ones who show the signs and symptoms of the disease. And in most cases, they don’t really live pass their teenage years since the effects of the disease doubles during puberty. But that was ages ago! With the advances in technology now, haemophiliacs won’t have to drink blood for transfusions after their spontaneous haemolytic attacks. Blood can now be transfused through IV lines and needles and it’s not that hard really. It’s okay. Haemophiliacs are now okay.

Except for Harry.

 Simple blood transfusions can only take the dizziness and the paleness away for a week or two for him after a haemolytic episode.It must be done often to the point where he can’t go about his life normally without the tubes inserted in his veins every week. And every after transfusion, he’d feel like his body’s made out of lead that he just gives up the idea of getting out of bed. He was so fragile looking, all pale from head to toe, with only occasional purple dots littered across his body, the only thing that gives him “colour”,and skinny from the lack of appetite. A fragile body of a three-year old boy attached to tubes and a bag of blood could only take as much as that. But his body won’t just respond properly to the medications.

The doctors in London tried every possible method. They tried infusing Harry with the clotting factor he lacked causing spontaneous bleeding inside of him but to no avail. They say Harry’s case is a “special” one - trying to use a pretty word to hide an ugly truth. They claim that Harry’s got the severe type of haemophilia B, the one which spontaneously cause bleeding twice or four times a month. And normally, it’s treated with infusion of the lacking clotting factor that’s why they are at loss why Harry’s condition was not improving.

His impatient parents dragged him out of the Queen Elizabeth Hospital where he was admitted for two years and was brought to Germany. There, Harry stayed for another year before the doctors used a blunt “peculiar” in exchanged for “special” saying that the gene responsible for his sickness mutated and places Harry now as a new case.

On the brick of hopelessness, his parents decided to transfer him to America where almost all diseases are cured as what they heard in the news for all the weekly discoveries they have in the field of medicine. His father though was left behind in London to take care of their businesses while his mother and sister stayed with him when he was immediately transferred to John Hopkins Hospital as his German doctors have suggested saying “he needs immediate and intricate care”.

In the institution, Harry has practically lived his whole life going in and out of it whenever they thought his body has already coped out with the treatments but just to be surprised the next week to be awaken with a pool of blood beside him trickling from his nose that if only he did not sleep on his side as told, would have died in his sleep for a literal clogged nose and blocked throat. His mum would always cry and cry and cry for his baby not having a normal life that all children should have.

The disappointment in her eyes every time Harry has to be admitted again in the institution could not top the self-loathe Harry has developed though. And his loath for the one he thinks is responsible for all of their sufferings.

The man up there.

In his young mind of eight, Harry couldn’t seem to blame anyone – not even his parents – so when he read from a religious insert handed to him by a weird guy in a robe when he lingered in the hospital’s lounge whenever he felt a bit okay that there is a man up there who was responsible for all the things that was happening in every person’s life – bad or good– he finally found someone to put the blame on as if lifting some of the weights he’s been carrying. And that man up there goes by the name God as he had read.

His life has been a routine of waking – eating – transfusing – studying – and – sleeping for the past decade. And he is _so_ tired of it! They have been living in America now for eight years and he’s just so tired of it all. He only gets to see his dad once or twice a year for a ticket to US and back to London can be better used for his transfusion session and medications for a month and he can’t go a month without that. But Harry thinks he can, he would.

Even if it kills him.

And it would, eventually.

 And he’s just tired of it all. Tired of everything. Tired of living. And when his mother had found him in his room a sobbing mess right in front of his computer trying to answer his quiz from home-schooling after a tiresome transfusion session, her heart just broke into pieces for the millionth time for her son and scooped him in her arms.

Her teenage son who never goes out of the house like normal teenagers do for he might faint somewhere.

Her teenage son who’s so thin with his veins protruding in the insides of his elbows for years of transfusions.

Her teenage son who’s got dark-purplish circles round his eyes from crying and being tired.

Her teenage son who’s always pale and who’s never had any colour in his life except for the bruises he get whenever he bumped slightly to any surfaces he passes by, greenish to purplish to greyish to yellowish patches all over him.

And right then, she swore she’ll do anything he asks for.

“Mum…” he pleaded through sobs, “I wanna go home Mum…let’s go back home.”

“Okay, love…” she sniffled a few, “we’ll go home, baby.”

But they both know that they can’t just go back without the doctor’s okay. His parents couldn’t take that much of a risk. And after all these years, it’s as if the man up there took pity on poor little Harry for when they were back for weakly transfusions, Harry’s doctor set them an appointment to talk about the new gene treatment that was recently approved by FDA. After hearing the pros and cons of the new treatment, Harry didn’t think twice in agreeing while his mother called his dad to tell him of the new “hope” offered. After a deliberate discussion over the phone, a teary eyed Anne faced both the doctor and Harry agreeing for the treatment to be done immediately. They were ready to take chances as always.

After six months of on-going treatments, the results were great! Harry’s body responded to it producing minimal amounts of his missing clotting factors and decreasing the haemolytic episodes in this body drastically. Everyone was very delighted by the progress of Harry’s condition especially the boy himself. He finally can wake up without blood drenched pillows and can now have a one colour toned skin. His transfusions were only done one a month this time and could be deduced to once in every three months if it continues to go well.

With renewed hope and vigour for life, the Styles family left America and was looking forward to never go back for a long time for same reasons they had for eight years.

+++

Who would ever think that in that small town Harry would find his miracle, his friends and Louis? It was actually true that you don’t need material things to feel complete, to be satisfied, to be grateful for the life you have. You just need people and the emotions they give to you and how you respond to them to be contented in life.  And Harry can say that he has found his safe haven at the age of seventeen. How bloody luck he is he can’t somehow understand.

*.*.*.*.*

Harry returned Mrs Fay’s kind smile and chirped a good morning before making a beeline towards their usual spot in the café. It was a table for two at the backside of the café beside the big window where the sun would drape the person seated with its gentle sun rays during early hours. Upon taking his seat, Harry received a text from Louis,

**8:11 am G’morningHaz! :)r u in the café already?**

With a smile, he replied,

            8:12 am      _Good morning too Lou! Yup I’m here. Usual spot.You? :)_

After a few seconds, his phone buzzed again,

**8:15 am     Stil in the hauz :( gran hssumtng 2 tlk to me abt. be ther b4 9. sori! ;(**

Harry’s heart sunk a little but he knows it should be important. Then he replied,

            8:16 am     _It’s okay Lou. It must be important. See you before nine! :)_

He pressed send before settling the phone on top of the book he was currently reading, _Love Story_ by Erik Seagul. And Louis would actually tease him sometimes for his preferences in everything. Just like this short novel his currently reading for the fifth time yet he still gets emotional (yes, with all the waterworks really).

 For a lad, he likes love stories too much, and baking, and cooking, and gardening, and sewing and “honestly Haz” Louis would begin to say, “are you secretly a girl or what? Maybe I should start counting my savings in case I knock you up?” to which he’ll just bat his eyelashes to Louis prettily and say, “I’m just trying to be your little trophy wife Lou.” which, in return, would never fail to make Louis gulp loudly.

Then another buzz,

            **8:20 am     Thanks haz! see u 2! I love you!!!!!! :)xxxx**

Harry couldn’t help the sloppy smile as he read his boyfriend’s message. And with a giddy enthusiasm he replied,

            8:22 am       _I love you too boo!!! Hurry up. I want to kiss you ;)xxxx_

And with that, he knows Louis would be driving straight to the café after his done. Or so he thought.


	4. Introductions Are Needed Mate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise Surprise!!! I'm feeling really down so I just wrote my heart out last night instead of doing any homework so here :) Please comment or something yeah? :)xx

“So Lou… I was just wandering…” Harry slowly draws the words out of his mouth trying to get the older lad’s attention. It was barely a whisper but was amplified by the dead silence surrounding them.

They were seated at the back of the second floor of the library behind the book shelves of the poetry section. It was their favourite spot of the massive building for one, they were away from the bustle of the main tables, and also, this part is really quite and “conducive for learning” as Louis would put it since it’s really silent, the type next to the creepy silence, since you know – poetry. Not many students would actually linger in such section except for those who have last minute Literature assignments on Edgar Allan Poe and those who needs a place to make out like _eew_ … That’s why when Harry and Louis started hanging out in between classes, they gave the lonely place filled with dust and creeping things a constant company.

Currently, Louis was seated across Harry in the study table beside the sliding window opened on Harry’s side. It was 9:17 in the morning and their Chemistry teacher, Miss Collins, was on a sick leave and no one was available to take over so it became a study period for the class. The duo chose to stay at the library until their 11 a.m. Advanced Literature class. They’d be sharing that class with their other three best friends making it Louis’ favourite subject.

The group would usually have lunch together after that then the famous shenanigans of the quintet would then ensue in the campus cafeteria. It would be just the simple and funny ones though. They won’t really make fun of anyone in particular, just everyone for a light laugh. Niall would usually be on his guitar playing random chords then Zayn and Liam would make up rhyming lyrics dedicated to the lucky one that catches their attention.

Liam would start to serenade that person then Zayn would try to beat Liam’s verse then the competition would begin. They’d be following their target everywhere she/ he goes with Niall at their tail still accompanying them with his guitar until the person chooses the winner. Zayn is currently leading by two making Liam pout and cross his arms muttering how unfair it is. Everyone would then laugh while Zayn would just grab him into a side hug and whisper something into Liam’s ear which would always make him laugh and leave his cheeks pink. Harry would always wonder what could have Zayn whispered to Liam that would lighten the other lad’s mood and make him blush. The subtle touches after that would only make Harry suspicious as he seats next to Louis who would always choose to perch up their table leaning against the wall and petting Harry’s curly locks.

Well, it’s been a year ever since the group adopted the newly transferred Harry into their mini cult as Niall would prefer to call their group. He was hesitant at first at how open they were to him since his new and as he had heard from the others, they were quite famous in the campus. Zayn is the school paper’s cartoon artist, Liam’s the editor-in-chief of the same paper and one of the footie team’s forward, Niall’s the lead guitarist of the school’s choir and the goalie of their team; and Louis, well, he’s the captain of the football team, the president of the school government, one of the lead actors of the drama club and part of the choir together with the other three. And Harry would swear he’s got the most beautiful voice among the 38 members of the club or was he a bit biased on that he would never admit.  Also, he’s usually the one sent to different academic seminars and competitions across Holmes Chapel and even to London and Manchester. How Louis manages all these excellently, Harry would always wonder. But then again it’s Louis, so yeah.

In addition to their intimidating statuses in the school, Harry also never had any close friends that were constant in his life. The other friends he’d had over the years were always passing ones. Other’s would be dismissed from the hospital he was in and transferred to another and lose contact with him while others… others would lose contact of him permanently or only for this lifetime. So basically, Harry never had any experiences on how to act around friends who seem to stay for awhile in his life, finally someone constant. It all started when the Irish blonde clasp his shoulders when he was in-line during lunch break of his second day.

“Aye mate! Please tell me you won’t get that last slice of double fudge chocolate cake with all those lovely chocolate chips and that oozing chocolaty goodness. Please tell me you won’t pick that lovely thing. Please??”

Harry was a bit stunned at how devoted the lad was at confessing his undying adoration for a piece of chocolate cake with his thick Irish accent. “Of course. She’s all yours mate.” Niall plastered him his biggest grin and almost squealed as he thanked Harry and carefully took the cake and place it on his tray together with the various foods he might or might not have taken from the others in line too.

“Yo Nialler! Are you treating the new kid nicely?” came a high pitched voice that left an unusual ring to Harry’s ears from behind them.  When Harry turns around, he did not expect to see someone that beautiful in front of him. The pretty creature had high delicate cheekbones, thin pink lips, thick eyelashes and had the purest and brightest blue orbs he’d ever seen framed with his light brown feathery fringe.

“Of course I am Lou! ‘nyway, were best friends now right…”

“Harry. Harry Styles.” Harry supplied without taking his eyes from the gorgeous man.

“Right Harry. From now on, you’ll be my new best friend together with the other three. That includes Zayn and Liam” he gestured to the table at the far end of the cafeteria where a raven haired guy and a brown headed lad were seated having a deep conversation, “and this lad here.” He thumbed to Louis’ general direction as he was distracted by the next guy in line looking up at the sandwiches and was again trying to persuade the poor guy to give it up. “Aye mate! Please tell me…”

That left Louis and Harry blatantly staring at each other. Louis broke it off with a chuckle which was music to Harry’s ears. Seriously, every sound the blue-eyed lad makes is registered as beautiful by Harry’s ears.

“Umm.. Hi there Harry! I’m Louis. Louis Tomlinson.” He reached a hand for a shake. “Your new best friend.” As if woken from his trance, Harry took his hand for a light lingering shake and a genuine smile reached his lips. “Hi Louis! It’s nice to finally meet you. I believe we’ve known each other for awhile to be best friends you know.” Louis then let out a bark of laughter as if Harry just said the funniest thing. And really, something must be wrong with Harry’s ears since the scandalous laughter was like birds chirping in the morning to him like in that Snow White movie you know. He chuckled as the smaller lad laughed, his eyes crinkled in the most adorable way. He must be laughing a lot to have those laugh lines Harry thought.

“Well my best mate, we must be dragging our Nialler here to prevent him from adding all these people in line to our circle of best friends yeah?” Louis proposed as he was recovering from the laugh.

Niall was currently persuading the guy with the last piece of roast beef sandwich who refuses to give it up much to the blonde’s despair.

“Hey there Niall, leave the poor kid alone. You’ve got almost everyone’s lunch in that tray of yours. Come ‘ere and let’s introduce our new best friend to the love birds over our table yeah?”

With a huff, Niall finally left the guy alone and led their way to the table where the two guys Niall pointed earlier were giggling. The raven quiffed haired guy had slung his left arm around the brown haired doe-eyed lad’s shoulders and the two were quite close Harry concluded based on how there were no distance between their chairs. They simultaneously looked up to Niall when he coughed to get their attention.

“Hiya Zee, Li. This is Harry, the new recruit to our mini cult. Harry that’s Zayn and that’s Liam his bo- Ow! Don’t hit me you twat!” Niall cursed as he placed his tray away from Liam who just elbowed him in the ribs.

“Foul language is not appreciated in this institution Niall. Hi there Harry! I’m Liam and this is Zayn.”

The three shook hands and exchanged courtesies. Harry then looked back to Louis who was seated in the table leaning against the wall and gestured to the seat below him for Harry to take. He shyly shuffled next to Louis and placed his tray beside Louis.

His lunch breaks and free time after classes were spent together with the four lads but mostly with Louis because apparently they had the same classes much to Harry’s inner delight. They became close friends after a month of hanging together finding out things about each other or in this case, Harry knowing them better and for the other four to know him more. He fitted quite well in the group of old friends and was quite shocked with himself to be honest. However, he was particularly drawn to the blue-eyed gorgeous lad going by the name Louis Tomlinson.

The past year was spent with sleep overs and group studies and cheering footie games and hanging in their secret hideout and camping out around bonfires. Really, Harry was having the time of his life. He never thought he’ll ever experience such normal things that teen agers his age are doing. He was so caught up in the shroud of happiness that his new friends are providing him especially Louis and how he gently and sweetly treats Harry that he momentarily forgot ever being odd sickly boy he was over a year ago.

But he was reminded how much life could be a bitch sometimes. It slaps the truth straight to your face on times you least expected.  Just six months ago, Harry had his first haemolytic episode after a year of his on-going gene treatment. In the early hours of the morning, The Styles mansion was woken up by a shrill coming from the son of the house’s room. Harry was so terrified waking up with blood free flowing from his nose soaking his pillow. It was a familiar sight Harry dreaded to see again. He panicked and stumbled trying to get away from the drenched pillow while he tried to wipe the remaining blood with his pyjama sleeves but it was not stopping. His mother came running in her robe followed by his father. And the image of Harry soak in his own blood reminded his parents of a three-year old Harry clutching a blood drenched teddy bear when he first had an episode and the horror they’ve been through all those years that followed came flashing in front of their eyes. Anne grabbed her trembling son and removed his blood stained pyjama top then using it to wipe the new dribbling blood from his nose. She then held him tightly, almost angry why her baby is experiencing this again. Just when her son finally gained some weight. Just when her son finally had some friends. Just when everything was finally falling into the right place where it should have been all these years. She held the sobbing boy into her arms whispering that it will all be okay. His father came back with a phone in his hands talking to Harry’s doctor in America. Lisa then came up with a younger servant of the manor to clean up the bloody mess while Anne situated themselves in the couch rocking her baby until he stopped crying.

Harry had been absent for three weeks after that. Louis and the lads were so worried about him they tried calling him but he won’t answer. They tried to visit Harry’s house after that asking where Harry could have been. The concerned and worried faces of the young lads broke Lisa’s heart but she has no right to tell them what was happening in the main house. She just shook her head saying Harry himself will tell them when he comes back.

When Harry did come back, it was on the twentieth day of his absence. Those twenty days were Louis’ most irritable ones. He’d snap at anyone who persistently asked him where the young lad was despite knowing that they were just as worried as him and not trying to be nosy. But even Louis did not know where his best friend was.

That’s why when Harry showed up on that Wednesday morning, no one could actually blame Louis if he accidentally stopped Harry’s breathing when he gave him the tightest hug and cursed his worries out to the young lad. Harry returned the hug as tight as he could however, he was still weak from the bustle of those three weeks. They had flown out to America right after the call his father made with his doctor and was immediately taken by the specialist doing all those check up tests.

It was found out that Harry’s body stopped responding well to the treatment and reverted much worse than Harry has ever been before. Blood transfusions were back to twice a week and episodes were to be expected at least twice a month. Harry had then become weaker and paler for the passing days of their stay in America. He badly wanted to call Louis but was afraid he might not stop himself from crying. He did not want anyone to find out that his haematologist already gave up on his case, that his technician of the gene treatment gave up on his case, that his family was already worn out of all these years of finding a miracle and might give up on him soon, that his own body has already given up on him. Most importantly, he did not want Louis to find out because maybe he’d give up on Harry too. His doctor then gave them his time limit, his expiration date. Two years at most he said. But he was never certain. And Harry did not know what to feel about that.

Still in a tight hug, Louis started rambling to Harry. “Where have you been love? We were all so worried about you! No one would tell me where you’ve been! I tried calling your phone and your house. Don’t fucking tell me you went to Bahamas or something ‘cuz I’m definitely gonna flip you!”

Harry chuckled at that expecting Louis too lighten up his mood. Well he looked paler than he's ever been so Bahamas was a no.

“Just some family thing Lou.” Harry replied when Louis loosen up the hug to look Harry in the eyes. He younger lad looked really tired and thinner though.

“You sure you want to attend classes now? I could bring you to the nurse’s to sleep if you want. You look tired.”

The concerned face Louis made just broke Harry even more. And then he finally realized something he’d been contemplating on after he heard of his time limit.

“How about we just go to the library? In the poetry section? I really missed you Lou so what do you say we skip classes?” Harry tried for a mischievous grin but failed. Louis was not really inclined to such activities but Harry looked so pleadingly onto him he just agreed and all, willing to throw his model student demeanour out of the window for his curly best friend, but thankfully they were supposed to have study period at that time.

“No skipping for you young man.” Louis teased

Harry pouted and visibly deflated.

“But lucky for you Miss Collins is on sick leave so we’re free till 11.”

A bright smile then replaced his pout making Louis smile too for it was his sincerest smile since he came back yet.

That brings them at the back of the second floor of the deserted library when all students have gone to classes. Louis was seated across from Harry waiting patiently for the young lad to start talking.

“So Lou… I was just wandering…umm… w-what if…” Harry hesitantly trailed on. He must have looked really pathetic for Louis was holding his hand encouraging him to go on. He gathered all his courage then and blurted out what he was trying to say looking straight into Louis’ eyes.

“Lou, what if I tell you I love you?”

Louis was slightly taken aback by the question because he never expected _that_ from Harry. But he was quick to recover upon seeing how determined and longing and sincere those green orbs of his were.

“Then I’ll tell you that I love you too.” Louis responded as sincere as he can and squeezed Harry’s both hands.

Harry released a relived sigh he was unconsciously holding and smiled a watery smile.

“Okay then. I love you Lou.”

 “I love you too Haz.”

Louis couldn’t help the pricking tears from behind his eyes and was soon silently flowing from his eyes down his cheek. He never thought that confessing to Harry after almost a year of quietly pinning for the curly lad would be this simple and relieving. Nevertheless, he’ll never want to change this moment for anything.

But then again, Louis never knew what's in store for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading the first chaps! I promise the next chapter will be much more interesting than the first :) Sorry for the mistakes though. It's un-betad (if that's even a word) ;(
> 
> Comments and Kudos are very well appreciated!!! :D Just tell me anything :)


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